Band Candy, What might have happened
by Tara Ann Felton
Summary: Ripper is back from his fateful candy eating delema. Buffy's mother also feels like her youthful teenage self again. You saw what they showed you on the episode, but this is what Katie and Tara the authors think happened in this hilarious comedy meant t


Rupert Giles took his spectacles off and began to clean them with the bottom part of his shirt. He then continued to stare at the pile of 20 chocolate candy bars sitting on his kitchen table. The seventeen year old demon fighter had managed to "slay" him into buying the other half of chocolate that her mother hadn't bought. It was for some sort of school fundraiser, and he did work at the school after all. Buffy always had a knack for wrestling him into buying things. It was that dreadful pouting thing she'd managed to master with her bottom lip. He fell for it every time.

"Just one won't hurt," he thought, picking up one of the bars.

After consuming seven of the chocolate bars, Giles thought a nap would help him feel refreshed so he could start researching for any future dangers. He grabbed a pillow from the closet and headed straight for his couch, falling asleep almost instantly as he hit the soft cushions.

The ringing of his telephone woke him up about fifteen minutes later. His head pounded, and he felt rather dizzy, and ironically more tired then before he fell asleep.

"'ello?" The ruggedly handsome British man questioned sounding a bit irritated.

"Hello, Mr. Guyelles, is it? This is Susan from MBI Incorporated, and I was wondering if you were interested in purchasing some new computer software. This software is worth-"

"Look you bloody whiney voice bint, I'm not interested in what you're sellin' even if it was you. Take the software and shove it up your bloody arse. And if you ever think of ringing this number again you'll be eatin' through straws. So sod off 'fore I do sumpin' _you'll_ regret," he hung up the receiver causing the ringer to 'cling' loudly. The nerve of the defile woman ruining his sleep. He told her alright.

Giles took a quick glance at his surroundings. Some unusual transformation had occurred, and boy was he thrilled about it. Ripper was back, and he felt more energized then he had in years.

He stormed out the door after realizing what he was wearing. He hadn't had a chance to pick up his glasses, but it was just as well. Ripper never would wear them anyway. He needed to get himself some new clothes and a few packs of cigs. The tweed suit he was in was beginning to make him sick to his stomach. "What the bleedin' 'ell was I thinking when I bought this nancy boy outfit? And Jesus! I bet I actually paid for it too." he thought.

He headed down to the Sunnydale mall to find something more…him, to wear. Sunnydale? All sunshine and shopping? It's more like SunnyHell. Walking through the mall he spotted a "killer" pair of jeans on a manikin in the window of a small shop. Ripper laughed to himself as he thought of the prospect of "killer jeans" that actually killed people instead of the way he had meant it. He wouldn't be a bit surprised if someday he came across an item of clothing that could kill people. He was on a Hellmouth after all.

He looked to his right and saw a fire extinguisher about 10 feet away. Grabbing it he broke the window and took the jeans that were luckily his size. It's a good thing he liked them tight.

The sound of the store's alarm system brought him out of his thoughts. "Well...shite! Best to get a move on then."

Before leaving the store, he saw some plain white tee-shirts on the far side. "If they are goin' to get me, might as well get a shirt with the jeans." Finding his size, which was also tighter than the usual "Giles" wears, he saw two security guards waiting for him at the store's exit. Dropping the clothes and putting up his hands in the universal sign of surrender, the guards then moved toward him. When they were close enough Ripper came out to play. He punched the first guard in the stomach and when Bob, his name tag said ("What the bloody 'ell kind of a name was _Bob_ anyway?" Ripper thought), hunched over he elbowed his back leaving Bob lying on the floor. The second guard ran away knowing that he couldn't take on Ripper with just his security flashlight. After seeing the damage he caused, Ripper flashed a smirk and picked up the clothes and whispered in Bob's ear, "Thanks for the new digs." He chuckled once more, "Bob."

As he left the mall, he passed a liquor store and decided it wouldn't hurt him if he grabbed some of the juice for later. Just in case. He broke the glass window of the door and reached inside to turn the lock. "No sense climbing into something he could walk into." That was his philosophy.

Ripper grabbed 3 bottles of peppermint schnapps off of one of the shelves; it was his favorite drink. He looked behind the register and saw the variety of cigarettes that were aligned perfectly with each other. Picking out a pack of Marlboros he also decided that it was a shame to let a perfectly good cash register go to waste. He broke open the register and took out its contents. Assuming that the money added up to several hundred dollars, he was satisfied and left the store deciding it was time for a different kind of fun, not that burglary and vandalism wasn't a hoot. He just decided it was time to get his kicks else where.

Giles walked around several dark alley ways looking for signs of human civilization. He heard loud music playing and some faint yells from around a corner. When he made the turn he spotted the Bronze and decided maybe there would be something or someone worth doing inside.

As he entered the room, several of the adults he had known to be doctors and parents and lawyers were running a muck around the Bronze, making out and dancing dances that should not be done with the bodies that these old folks were in. "This is…weird," he said to himself.

Ripper saw a door towards the back that looked like the type that bore something fascinating or fun behind it. That's where he was headed.

He pushed his way through dozens of gits and ponces and prats and the occasional slut that wanted to get with him. "You're too old for me, love." Was what he told them, sending many of them away in tears.

Giles looked back up towards the door and saw a sight that made him feel good in all the right places. "Now _she_ is not too old." He said aloud while wondering what made him feel this way about this woman, when he never had intimate feelings for her before.

Joyce Summers leaned her back against the wall with one of her knees bent allowing her foot to also be pressing up against the wall, right next to the door Ripper was thinking about entering.

"Best to play it cool," he thought to himself as he walked to the door, making sure that he didn't so much as glance at her.

"Hi there," She said softly as he neared her.

He nodded his head once, the guy version of a wave. "'ow's it goin'?"

"Oh, I'm fine. A little bit wasted I'd imagine by now, but I'm really not sure," she paused, trying to think of something that would impress him and then, "I bet there's something really awesome going on in there! Maybe we should knock," she added as his hand reached for the door knob.

"I don't knock," he said as he turned the knob. However, the door was a tiny bit…locked. "But you can," he added, so his macho-ness would not be put down.

Joyce knocked repeatedly on the door, which started to get on Ripper's nerves ever so slightly. He grabbed her wrist, so as not to hurt her, but to get her to stop the persistent knocking. "I think they heard you."

"Oh. Right," Joyce said, a bit embarrassed.

"Listen, Joyce. I don't know what's gonna be behint this door, but it might not be safe for a girl like you," Ripper said, in a serious voice. Well, it was serious for him.

"What? A girl like me? Don't worry about it. You ain't my daddy!"

Giles cut in to what she was saying, "Oh yeah? Who's your daddy?" he grinned. It _was_ funny after all. "Any way, it's not that I was worried about you. I don't worry. I just want to make sure you are around for some fun later on."

Joyce smiled at what she thought he was proposing. "Why wait 'til later?" She started to reach her hand down his tight denim jeans.

"Whoa, take it easy, love. There will be plenty of time for this later. First things first," he whispered as the door slowly started to open.


End file.
